Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize