Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
