I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
