girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
soo... how was my night?
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