The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
