as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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