She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
