Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think people are normalizing furries
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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