Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
