break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
