There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
