We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
