First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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