happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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