Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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