Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
