This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
