i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
