and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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