I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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