I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
