It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
