Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
