Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
