I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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