i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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