i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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