be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
