Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
