2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
