when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
