Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
