i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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