he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
