either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im part way to drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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