There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
