My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
