dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize