He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
