dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
