i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize