I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
