fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
