I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
