he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
