Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
