Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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