How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize