I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
