Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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