are you still at the devil's house?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
