Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you win again, gameday.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
