I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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