I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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