I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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