I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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