Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
