I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
