OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize