On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
