How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
