Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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