I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
