fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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