where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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