im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
