party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
